
Inside I could pierce right through all the gripes and excuses and knew instantly what was going on in that Taiwanese sister-in-law’s head: she looked down on the Chinese. She wasn’t disrespectful toward her in-laws because she was a bitch; she was disrespectful because she saw them as second class citizens.
Akyrpti at 8Asians wrote a fascinating blog post about Chinese-Taiwanese mixed marriages and the ensuing family tensions. Since I’m working on a master’s thesis that looks as intra-ethnic conflict and nationalism in diverse Chinese communities like Los Angeles, reading this post made me super giddy. (Nerdy, I know.)
It was clear the Taiwanese sister-in-law thought she and her own Taiwanese family were better than the Chinese. The sister-in-law would make snide remarks like “I come from a family of higher education than yours” or “I grew up pampered, privileged…I am not used to your cut-throat dog-eat-dog uncultured way of life. My culture is different.” In every argument, the last remark uttered would have something to do with being Chinese and being Taiwanese. “We’re just different.”
It seems that every group of Chinese has something to say about every other group of Chinese at every level of specificity. Ask my parents (ethnic Chinese from Vietnam) to talk about the Mainlanders, the Taiwanese, the Hong Kongers, Cambodian Teochews, Cantonese from Vietnam who assimilated too much to the local culture… it’s not going to be pretty. (And yet at the end of the day they will still insist that everyone is Chinese!)
My husband’s uncle married a Taiwanese woman. The whole Chinese family hates her and speaks utter ill of her. She would not let the in-laws, my husband’s grandparents, see her children. They all live in Taiwan and it was only when the grandmother was on her deathbed that the Taiwanese woman relented to a meeting. She bundled up her kids in masks and rubber gloves to greet the grandmother, explaining that she “didn’t want the children to get infected.” (Infected with what?) When the grandmother, on her deathbed mind you, wanted to give these grandchildren a hug and a kiss, the Taiwanese woman barred it and said no. Then they all left, didn’t come back, and spent the rest of their stay in China shopping. The grandmother died broken-hearted.
If everyone is running away from everyone else because they think the other group has cooties, I don’t think Chinese reunification is necessarily a reasonable goal.
Photo: “I love the country; I love the national (Republic of China; Taiwan) flag.” Creative Commons credit: Carol Lin.